8 a.m. my mom

8 a.m. 

my mom calls me

and i'm scared she knows 

about everything i did last night

and last week

and the week before that. 

10 a.m. 

i took a nap for an hour

and woke up groggy,

feeling dead inside. 

12 p.m. 

i swallowed a pill or two

and a liter of water. 

i thought maybe it would ease the pain

but the headache stayed

and i still wanted to die. 

2 p.m. 

a friend called me but i had my phone on silent

so i missed it. 

i didn't call back. 

4 p.m. 

breakfast. 

6 p.m. 

i watched ten minutes of three different t.v. shows 

before i opened a new tab and watched youtube videos.

8 p.m. 

thoughts of calling my mom came to me 

but i figured i would just do it later 

or tomorrow. 

10 p.m.

the stars were hidden behind the fog. 

i scowled when i realized that. 

i'd been wanting to see them. 

12 a.m. 

it was quiet

save for tapping

and breathing

and the occasional words i muttered.